When we arrived in Canada it was warm.  The first week at home welcomed us with temperatures of 20°C – 30°C and it felt fantastic.  The kids were able to play outside and ran around in just diapers, we never needed coats, and I felt good about wearing the new pair of chunky-heeled sandals I had just purchased.  Magnus had a few rough days and we all felt it but he ate icecream and watched the complete pixar collection and after a while things seemed to ease up.  Sophie jumped in with both feet and she seemed to adapt very quickly.  Ørjan seemed to enjoy himself even if he had the same worries as me.  The one thing that did affect us was the food.  Oh god I felt awful each day because the food tasted bad on my tongue.  Simple pleasures like a slice of bread (Where was gluten-free?) or a glass of milk tasted so bitter and I swear I could taste the toxins and hormones.  Meat was full of water, the fruit and vegetables were always shiny at the supermarket, and the yoghurt was completely fat-free and sugar-free and it was almost like eating congealed fruit-milk.  I instantly felt disappointed because I had hoped going back to North America I could get my hands on healthy and whole foods but everything seemed stripped or pumped full extra artificial ingredients and my stomach couldn’t handle it.  During the first week we all suffered from diarrhea or constipation and it was not fun.  I even had to resort to feeding the kids baby cereal for breakfast  just so they could get something nutritious in them.  Oh, it was bad.

Going home is always hard for me because I’m never able to relax.  Maybe it’s the memories of that house, or maybe it’s because I’m so consciencious about my environment, but I was never able to just stop and rest.  I was constantly cleaning, constantly cooking, and constantly itching to get out of there.  I felt slightly trapped.  It also didn’t help that I felt so uncomfortable knowing that my mom’s boyfriend is now living in the house.  I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells in every room I walked into.  Eventually I tried to let go and made an effort to have a good time.  I suppose a little retail therapy did help though.  We bought shoes, clothes, toys, and all those other items that we can’t find in Norway.  We visited friends and family and while it felt good it was always sad knowing we only had a couple of hours together.  We even surprised my mother with a new bedroom and spent many days cleaning her house.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it but my mother is this—far from being one of those people you might see on hoarders.  (Just another reason why being stuck there got on my nerves.)  I felt miserable not being able to exercise as I usually do, but I did go on a few walks and runs which made me feel better despite never really having the energy.

I love my mom, she is the most generous person I know, but she really got on my nerves when it came to our children.  The first week wasn’t easy on her because she thought the kids made too much noise or that they made too much of a mess.  Eventually she realized that they are kids and embraced their laughter and stickiness, but there was always criticism and I always felt angry when she tried making a point.  Nearing the end it was very sad because she really connected with them and I wasn’t sure what kind of comfort I could offer.  I think I tried to avoid it because I didn’t want to deal with my own feelings of longing.  We did have some talks and we were able to communicate but everything still felt so fragile.  Nearing the end (or what we thought was the end) of our trip we started to say our goodbyes and then everything fell apart.  Suddenly Eyjafjallajökull erupted and everything came to a complete stop.  We were packed and ready to leave and then suddenly we were stranded.

Ørjan and I were under so much stress last week and were almost ready to kill eachother.  We frantically called our travel insurance company, our bank, our employers, and family members.  It could have been worse, we could have been like those thousands that were stranded at airports, but being away from home even longer meant more problems.  It meant the kids would continue to be miserable, it meant Ørjan and I wouldn’t be at work earning money, and it meant another week of struggling to keep it together.  At that point we were short on money and contemplated finding any flight to get us closer to home.  Nothing was available and even flights that could take us across the pacific were off because none wanted to fly to Europe.  At that point we were feeling so low and then wouldn’t you know it, Sophie broke out with chickenpox.  On the 20th day of our trip she finally got chickenpox.  Luckily for us and her she’s a tough girl.  Her outbreak wasn’t as severe as her brother’s and only had several spots on her face, but it was still an awful experience.  It was obvious she was meant to get them on our flight back to London which doesn’t surprise us at all.

What made everything worse was the waiting.  We were originally scheduled to fly out of Toronto on the 17th but the only flight we could be promised was the 25th.  We were basically stranded for 8 more days and each day felt painful.  The kids had been sick, we had to think about the loss of income, and we were very far from home.  At that point it seemed hopeless.  If you follow me on twitter you’ll know just how desperate I had been feeling.  Eventually the week came to an end and we were more than ready to go home.  I took the initiative to pack early even if it killed me.  We came with 2 suitcases and 1 carry-on and left with 4 very full suitcases and 4 heavy carry-ons.

I want to say more about our trip but at this point I’m almost at a loss of words for just how awful most of it had been.  I think after I’ve had some more time to rest and think i’ll be able to write something more positive.  For now I’m trying to forget alot of it any way I can.

Hello world!

It’s been an extremely long time since I’ve posted and I have many reasons why I’ve been avoiding it.  We’ve been traveling since March and it’s quite possible that we won’t make it home until May if you can believe it.  With everything that’s been going on with the volcanic eruption(s) there’s so much to vent about, but this post will only describe the beginning of our trip.  In March we took a few days in London but the fun was short-lived and we barely made it.  We left Saturday, March, 27th, with the night train from Mo I Rana, but due to DST (sommertid) we missed our connecting train in Trondheim.  That’s right, the train company neglected to take the time change into consideration and when we arrived in Trondheim we had to wait to take a bus south to god knows where.   This might have swung but we had a flight to catch but wait, there’s more!  We were flying with British Airways but they decided to go on strike and our original flight for Sunday evening was cancelled.  Due to the strike we had to rebook to an earlier flight that evening.  So where was I?  Half way during the trip the bus driver decided to take a 45 minute break.  At that point we were freaking out.  If we missed our flight we’d have to spend a night in Oslo and might not get another flight until Monday or Tuesday.  (Many flights were cancelled due to the strike.)  We don’t usually get angry but we demanded that the train company either buy us new tickets or get us a taxi to drive us south.  So from Dombås we took a taxi to Lillehammer from where we took a train to the airport in Oslo.  Our taxi driver was fantastic though because she drove the best she could and kept calling the train company so that they’d wait for us in Lillehammer.  We arrived on the minute but she helped us get our suitcases and kids to the platform.  She was amazing and I thank God for her.  What was meant to be an easy 14-hour train ride turned into a day of hell.

We eventually made it to the airport with only 10 minutes before check-in closed.  We checked our bags, got through security, and ran with the kids in our arms so we could get to our gate at the other end of the terminal.  We hugged our kids, tried to calm them on the plane, and then breathed a very heavy sigh of relief when we arrived in London.  London was better than I expected but it a little bittersweet.  We hired a limo to drive us to our hotel (definitely a good idea) and then we tried to relax.  We stuffed our faces with food I brought from Norway along with the extras the hotel bought for us.  After very long showers and an hour of television the kids were sleeping in their beds and Ørjan and I were ready to start our vacation.  On the first day we took in a few sights, bought alot of goodies for the kids, and then took it easy for the night.  On the last day we planned to shop and  take it easy in the city but I ended up hanging out at the hotel with the kids because Magnus wasn’t feeling well.  He seemed to have a little cold and after the hellish travel we endured in Norway I had no problems letting him rest even if it meant losing a day in London. Ørjan spent the day in the city antiquing and shopping for stamps and coins.  I think it worked out for him because he needed some alone-time and the kids needed a rest. For dinner that night we took the kids out for Chinese but ended up going to a McDonalds just so we could buy Happy Meals.  (Which were later tossed minus the toys because they were so disgusting!)

On the morning we were due to leave I noticed Magnus had two spots on his face.  I shrugged it off as nothing because sometimes when he has a fever he gets small spots on his cheeks.  Bad move on our part.  After arriving at the airport he started to get warm again and a few more spots appeared.  At that point we weren’t sure if we were dealing with chickenpox or if it was something less serious.  Either way we knew we were screwed.  We got on our flight and 3 hours into it Magnus exploded with spots.  To say he broke out is an understatement.  To make it short I’ll tell you this much: The flight attendants were nice but scary, I had to be isolated on the plane with Magnus, and then the attendants handed out masks to all the passengers.  Oh dear god it was horrible.  My poor little guy was miserable and there wasn’t much we could do.  Luckily we bought an infant medicine at Boots (at the airport) and he took a little, but having him strip down to a diaper having to fan him to keep his temperature cool was never how I imagined that flight.  Eventually an attendant said things would be ok (after taking our passports and writing down our info) and said paramedics might be meeting us at the airport.  They eventually ruled this out since they believed it was chickenpox and we had a close site of residence from the airport.

So there you go.  I’ve/we’ve taken some pretty disastrous flights but this one definitely takes the cake.  A missed connection due to DST, an airline strike, and chickenpox: DISASTER.  If you’ve come to this point my god you must have patience but it gets even better.  One might think that it couldn’t get any worse but it does.  Join me in our next episode of The Tragic Travels of Candace (and family) where we explore the joys of being stranded due to a volcano!

I’m feeling fairly good at the moment because I realize I actually have time for myself.  This week I’m only working evening shifts (with the exception of my work weekend) which gives me so much more time in the mornings.  Free mornings mean I can sleep half an hour later, I can eat breakfast with the kids before I take them to daycare (instead of me taking them early and them eating there), and I can squeeze in some housework and pilates.  It feels so good to be able to have some independent time even if it means I’m not relaxing on the sofa. It also means I can meet with Ørjan for lunch and he can fuel up before he has to return.

The weather has become frightful again as it’s been anywhere from -14°C to -22°C.  We had severe cold only a few weeks ago and then it rained.  Slush, snow, and then black ice for another week was not a treat.  Yesterday’s walk lead to a surprise when I looked down and noticed my hair had frozen.  I didn’t realize how cold it was until I looked down and it was as though someone had spray painted my hair white.  Now it’s back to the February norm and it’s manageable now that the sun has returned to the arctic circle.  I feel so human again with a little daylight/sunlight.  With so much more light the house feel more comforting and I’m back in full-gear to finish the renovations in our bedrooms.  Around December we pretty much called it quits because it was so difficult to do anywork in the dark.  (Rewiring outlets in darkness and painting without natural light is a big no-no!)

Lately I’ve been using some of my free time to research and plan our London trip.  For a while there I was feeling very negative about this trip because 1) I’ve never had the desire to visit any time soon, 2) London is insanely expensive, and 3) I know I’d be doing most of the work for planning/organizing and childcare duties.  At this point I’ve done all the research and bookings for our hotel and transportation from the airport.  Ørjan ordered tickets with an arrival time in London at 22:10!  This means that we’ve had to hire a service to drive us to the hotel with two very exhausted toddlers.  If you’ve got young children you know exactly what I’m thinking.  Sigh.  Oh well, the hard part is over.  Now the fun part of planning our daytrips are only ahead of us.  If you have any suggestions for London (or a child-friendly London) please comment!

This Sunday Magnus turns three.  We haven’t planned a party for him because we’ll combine his and Sophie’s birthday next weekend.  I should do some light baking and bring out a few gifts though because he deserves it.  Which reminds me, I came up with a menu and a baking plan for their birthday party but I cannot for the life of me find it.  I guess this means I’ll have to go through my bookmarks to find that cupcake recipe that took me days to locate.  Oh well.

From Monday the 11th – Thursday the 14th all four of us were in Bodø while Magnus visited the Spesialpedagogisk Senter and the hospital in Bodø.  I’ve touched on it before, but never in depth as I will now.  Our son Magnus (3 years on February, 7th) has a speech/language problem and he is very small (weight) for his age. After a very long process our week was scheduled for the second week in January.  Our trip up north wasn’t the best but we made it… luckily.  (For the locals that read this you’ll completely understand my frustration.)  We decided to take the bus to catch our train, but for some reason our driver missed some passengers in Finneifjørd and decided to turn around at Dalselv to go back and pick them up.  He drove all the way to fucking Dalselv and turned around without notifying us.  Considering we only had about 30 minutes before our train left from Mo i Rana it wasn’t likely we’d make it if we had to turn around.  Ørjan raced up to the front to say we had a train to catch so the driver said it was ok – that he’d drive faster!  Too fast infact because while Sophie sat in my lap she puked all over us not once, but twice!  At that point Ørjan and I agreed it was enough and he demanded the driver take us to Bjerka so we wouldn’t miss our train.  He dropped us off, I ran into the station and ripped out the suitcase so I could put some clean clothes on Sophie and then the train arrived not one minute later.  I had to run to the platform without putting a jacket back on her.  We made it and that’s what’s important, but I wasn’t going to accept missing our first appointment because of the driver.  We made it to the centre later that evening (we stayed at the centre’s family housing) and we all fell asleep around 10.

Our first appointment was at 9am the next day and we (myself and Ørjan) were very nervous.  We were apprehensive about what they’d say but after 10 minutes with them we realized it was going to be a positive process.  It’s not that Magnus doesn’t understand us but he says very little and doesn’t seem to communicate at the level his peers.  At first we were very worried that maybe it was because we speak both English and Norwegian at home but they reassured us that it really has nothing to do with our choices.  After three days of testing and activities some conclusions were made and we all walked away feeling very satisfied and relieved with what they had to say: Magnus is a happy and healthy boy.  During one of the language tests I started to cry a bit because I had never heard Magnus speak so much.  I was so completely surprised and overwhelmed with the level of language and comprehension he has.  He even answered some of her questions in English!  Magnus uses a vocabulary of less than 20 words at home so I was in complete shock when he was speaking short sentences with words I had never come from his mouth.  At the hospital they did some simple tests, observed his movements and abilities, and took a long history.  I can’t say I was completely satisfied with the last day but things happen that we can’t change.  That’s all I’ll say for now.

One thing I do plan to make public is this – Ørjan’s mother has been holding back crucial information.  From the beginning (April 2009) we started this process to have Magnus tested and have help given for his needs.  The entire time his mom has been saying that we’ve been pushing him, that he’s still very young and we have nothing to worry about.  Well now, it seems to be not what she insists.  Her cousin (I work with her) told me that Ørjan was almost four years old when she started to understand what he said.  I started thinking that since Magnus is so like his dad that is has to be more than a conincidence.  From the beginning Magnus’ daycare, PPT, and the pediatric centre have been asking us about our family histories and whether or not any of us have had language difficulties.  This entire time she has refused to provide any information and has refused to accept that Magnus has difficulties.  One of the nights we were in Bodø she called to ask how things went and she conveniently mentioned that Ørjan spent a week in Bodø for testing just like Magnus.  WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?  We had been begging for information and only now she decides to mention this?  I’m extremely disappointed and I can see that Ørjan is feeling something he refuses to confont her with.  I really don’t know what to say to her now.  Hmmmm.

In all it was a very positive experience and I think we’re on our way to seeing some great improvements and achievements from him.  I’ve made it clear that I would like to learn sign language to aid in his needs and now we believe that each day they’ll be providing some private time for him to concentrate on his language skills.

- Og du, helvete du!  Kun ikke du bare si ifra tidligere?  Var det så vanskelig?  Det er mitt barn vi snakker om nå – ikke ditt!  Fortell meg nå hva i helvete problemet er!  Vi har spurt deg flere ganger i det siste året om Ørjan men du har nektet å gi oss informasjon.  Du har nektet å fortelle oss om Ørjan da han var liten, og du prøver å styre over Magnus, men tror du engentlig at det er best for alle?  Nå må du forklare alt du kan fordi nå er jeg ferdig.  Jeg er veldig veldig skuffet og sint.  Du altid har så mye å si og du er veldig flink å klage, så kom igjen nå!  Hvis du vil ikke fortelle meg så må jeg ringe til mor fordi hun or den eneste som har vært ærlig med oss.

I had to get  that off my chest.  It’s been festering since that night she called.

Only days ago I posted about just how sick I was, and jeez, wouldn’t you know it, I got sick again.  Or maybe I just never got better?  Sunday night I was puking my guts out and making trips to the toilet every ten minutes.  I thought perhaps it was something I had eaten but Ørjan ate the same foods as I did and there was nothing wrong with him.  The next morning after very little sleep and nausea like you wouldn’t believe I went downstairs to wake the kids for daycare and oh… my… god.  The mess!  Both Magnus and Sophie had diarrhea and vomited during the night.  You can just guess what my reaction and mood were at this point.  The only lucky break at this point was that I had this Monday off, right?  Wrong.  They asked me if I could come in and cover a shift that evening.  Like an idiot I took it thinking I would be well enough to work since I was no longer vomiting.  I tried to rest in the afternoon since the kids mostly slept, but after a  day of non-stop laundry and cleaning their vomit I was hardly in the mood to work.  When I arrived home I asked Ørjan about the kids and then passed out on the sofa.  Now it’s Tuesday morning and I’m attempting to eat some solids.  I ate a few tablespoons of soup and some flatbread and I think I’ll even try some bread before work.  I suppose a banana might be a good idea too. Sophie seems to be doing much better and has her appetite back, but Magnus is still a bit moody and quiet.  There hasn’t been any diarrhea or vomit from either of them so that’s an extra bonus.  I just hope that by tomorrow they’ll be well enough to go back to daycare.  As far as myself… Ugh… I don’t know what to do.  I feel like I’m getting sick too often and it’s starting to break me.  As soon as I get over this last round of whatever I have, I’m making a promise to myself to eat better and quit all the things I said I’d quit.

I can’t believe how tiny they used to be.  Magnus was born February 7th, 2007, weighing 2040 grams, and Sophie February 13th, 2008, weighing 2875 grams.  I love my big kids so much.

For 2009 we decided to celebrate Magnus’ 2nd birthday (Feb 7) and Sophie’s 1st birthday (Feb 13th) together.  I only wish that I was able to take more photos.  I suppose there’ll be another chance on Tuesday when he has his little birthday celebration at daycare with his friends.  There was absolutely no time to take pics of the food and I really do regret it.  Oh well.  Maybe next year.

Magnus had so much fun today and it was wonderful.

For the past couple of hours I’ve been trying to work out some ideas and designs for Magnus’ birthday.  Yes it’s next month but it always seems that I’m doing things at the last minute and killing myself with stress.  This year I decided instead of pulling out my hair (and pissing off Ørjan) that I would try to take things at a different pace.  I thought about several themes with characters that he likes including Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Thomas The Train, and even Winnie The Pooh, but after our trip to Canada I see that he is so in love with Quatchi that I went ahead and tossed all my previous work in the bin.  My sister bought Magnus and Sophie their own plush Quatchi and Miga dolls and they both adore them.  Yeah yeah I know, trademark infringement but come on!  It’s for a two year old’s birthday and he loves these characters.  Personal non-profit use and all that…

I’ve almost completed the invitations and have already started approaching the design of the cupcakes I’ll be making.  Phew.  I just want his first real birthday celebration with other kids to be fantastic.  I can’t believe he’s almost two and well, Sophie will be turning one a week later!  There’s so much to plan and so much to celebrate which means this place will probably become quiet again next month.

It’s amost 8pm and now I can honestly say I feel better.  I’m lying on the sofa trying to catch up with 1000+ unread feeds while Yentl is playing in the background.  We just finished a late dinner, Sophie is finally sleeping, and I’m doing even more online shopping.  With the lack of time and opportunities to shop for our family I just found it easier to do most of it online.  Ebay, Delight, Roots, and a few catalogue shops have made it such a relief instead of a last-minute headache.

Today was a hard and very trying day as Sophie slept less than two hours (since 6am) and her teething is making her such a crankypants.  At least Magnus had a good day and he’s been much more independent drinking directly from a glass and feeding himself lunch.  We took away his bottle cold turkey and he whined for a couple of days, but now he’s so interested in drinking just like adults that I don’t think he’ll ever want a bottle again. Now if we could only get him potty-trained!  He’s not even two yet but we’re starting to see signs that he’s able to communicate his business.  With so little time to myself today I managed to eat a small bowl of rice for breakfast, an oatmeal cookie at noon, and small bowl of couscous for lunch.  I’d hardly call it nutritious but it was all I could manage.  Not only was I hungry, but I was dirty!  It was after 3pm when I was able to get myself into the shower.  Seeing as how my previous shower was 6am yesterday morning and I had worked out while Magnus ate lunch I was feeling extremely shitty.  No food, no shower, and a house with two screaming kids – Wonderful!  Not everyday is so frustrating but today was particularly rough.

To make matters worse my period is causing such major discomfort.  I know it’s to my IUD but the obscene amount of bleeding, clotting (golfballs!), and the pain is really getting to me.  I almost passed out on the floor yesterday while making dinner.  I’ve been trying to get control of my anemia but lately I’ve been careless.  I can never seem to keep track of my periods either since they come every 6-8 weeks and last anywhere from 8-12 days.

I think Ørjan’s been seeing just how miserable I’ve been and has been so helpful without me even asking or nagging.  He’s been helping with the kids, tidying up after dinner and before bed, and has even let me squeeze in a nap twice this week.  I tell you it’s not nights of crazy passion but it’s the small things that really make you realize that you married the right man.  Now if only this crazy weather would settle down.  In the past week we’ve had two huge snowfalls that have melted away after a day of rain.  Everything is covered with a few centimetres of snow and the skies still have flurries as I write this, but who knows whether it’ll be here tomorrow.  Walking and pushing the babywagon in the snow is a bit harder, but it’s better than being splattered with slush when cars drive by carelessly.

I’ve been in a really horrible mood lately and it shows.  I have no energy, no drive, and certainly no patience for the things I can usually tolerate and tackle.  At least I managed to get out samples of my Christmas Cookies for this year.  I’ve done so much work planning and managing how big this could be, but sometime I turned into a huge chickenshit and started to consider just dumping the idea since we’ll be pressed for time this year.  I made spreadsheets, revised my budget and inventory, and even made and froze the dough so that I could bake the cookie samples quickly, but with so much accomplished I still felt like I was missing something – the drive to actually do it.  I really want to get my goods out this year but my mood is really dragging me down.  Hopefully when my period is over I’ll be back in full-force and ready to take this on again.  I’m completely committed to this, but it’s been such a rough week that I wish I could go back to two weeks ago when I was so excited.

It’s going on 9pm now so I should probably head off.  Magnus had a longer nap this afternoon so he’s still up but at least sitting quietly next to me looking at a book.  I love that he can sit for an hour just looking at his favourite books without making a sound.  I also love that I have a husband that can sit so quietly doing genealogy archiving without making a sound.

Oh, and this year I’m really considering getting a spark.

If you’ve been visiting my site over the past hour and not just reading the feed, you’ll have noticed that things look slightly different around here.  I’m still sticking with the same template because I like it, but some new colours and minor changes were in order.  It’s been burning in the back of my head that I should try to do something with this place but I’ve been putting it off since August due to a lack of time.  At least that’s out of the way for now.

For the past couple of days we’ve been getting snow and even more bad weather.  It’s more than a painful reminder that winter is almost here and it’s also a sign that I need to get my butt into gear and start organizing yet another Christmas Cookie haul.  I’ve already tackled a draft of the budget and have figured the cost of items and ingredients that I’ve imported from Canada.  Packaging (cello bags, ribbon, tags), vanilla extract, and other items needed have either been ordered or have already arrived.  A few people have actually approached Ørjan about this year’s orders so I guess I’ll have to start printing out a more detailed list and forms for orders.  While I’m excited about this I’m already stressing out.  The holidays are already stressful and now we have a holiday to Toronto at the end of December.  The key is to be organized (I love to organize) but I also have a tendency to put things off if I feel stressed.  Let’s just hope I can keep up with the madness because I really want this to be a good year for my baking.

In other family related news: Sophie is crawling and already starting to pull herself up.  We’re all starting to feel better but I still feel incredibly fatigued.  We spent the weekend out at Ørjan’s mum’s and I couldn’t help but notice just how quickly they’ve grown since the last time we were there.  Magnus still isn’t saying alot but now we can clearly see that he understands both English and Norwegian without problems.  He follows instructions and commands, he signals and points to things we’re talking about, and he’s even starting to form sentences despite the fact that they don’t really make sense in English or Norwegian.